Forging My Own Path

Here I was, a very socially awkward young lady starting her freshman year in college. I had just been transplanted from my small-town high school (graduating class: about 115 or so) to a regional university an hour away. I looked forward to starting classes, learning new and exciting things, and most importantly, making new friends. Within days, I made acquaintance with many new friends. One group of girls in particular, however, caught my eye. 

They called themselves the Stars. And that’s what they were...in everything they did, they sparkled. They SHONE. Perfect hair and makeup, impeccable style, POISE. In every organization known to man, yet still able to have excellent grades and hold down part-time jobs. And most importantly (to my college-freshman mind), they had the kind of friendship that people wrote songs and poetry about. (No, really.) 

I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to BE them. 

Looking back on the first two years in college (indeed, the first thirty or so years of my LIFE), I see a common theme. I wanted to belong. I wanted to have a community, a close group of friends. A tribe. 

I failed, I think, for two reasons. First, I was extremely self-focused. I was so obsessed with having friends when I should have concentrated on BEING a friend. 

But more importantly, I was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. And you know how well that usually works out. (Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.)  

When I found myself without a “tribe” back around 2007 or so, I had to do some introspection. Do I want to keep changing who I am, just to fit into someone else’s mold? Do I want to follow someone else’s path, or do I want to forge my own path, and invite other folks along for the ride? 

I chose the latter. And I’m sure glad I did. 

It was a bit lonely at times for awhile, but eventually I found my footing. I stayed true to who I am, while finding ways to learn, to grow. And I’ve made new friendships, while being able to keep up with old ones. 

The beauty of Facebook and other forms of social media is that I can keep up with other people, even those I don’t talk to on a day-to day basis. I follow several old friends on there that I tended to idolize back at various points in my life. 

And you know what I’ve learned? None of us have it together. None of us are perfect. None of us have perfect, flawless lives. And I love people all the more for it. 

Because it makes us human. Because it makes me realize that, even though people may present themselves a certain way, everyone is on their own path in life. We interconnect with each other. We cheer each other on. We don’t have to be in someone’s inner circle to love and support them, any more than they have to be in ours. 

And some 20 years later, I am able to look at my college-aged self with compassion and empathy (and a little WTF), and realize that she’s a part of me still. As is my high-school me, and my after-college me, and my tribeless me. 

I’ve forged my own path.